**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
