he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
