My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
