He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
