I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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