Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
