I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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