Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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