Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
