I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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