Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
