mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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