Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
