in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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