Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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