he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
