we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
