over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
