I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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