so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
