My first STD was from a foam party
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
