I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
