Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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