my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
