I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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