I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
