one might say we're banned from that church
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
