god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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