I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
As shirtless as possible
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
