i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
