Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
