A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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