I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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