His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
