I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
