I can text with my tongue
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
