Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
