Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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