I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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