His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
