What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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