Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
