I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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