my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
