physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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