my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize