fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
