my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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