Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
