There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize