worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
