It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize