How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
