Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
