i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
