Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The best revenge is premature balding
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
