Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
