the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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