True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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