Kiss
Puke
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
