Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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