I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
