You're a womanizer and a bitch.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
