Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
