I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
