Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Everything about him screamed your future.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
