she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
