i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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