We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
