It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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