I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
