Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
