He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
