I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
