We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
