Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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