Don't you send me to vm
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
