I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
