i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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