my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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