had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
