I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
