So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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