Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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