I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I have demons in me.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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