She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We need a shit load of segways right now
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
please don't ironically join a cult
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